Friday, April 27, 2012

Eye Twitch This Instant!

[I reserve the right to break the “This Instant” mold of using word pictures to communicate a thought to just saying it like it is]

My eye has been twitching for ten solid months.

To say I’ve been under some stress would be a gross understatement. Being up against a deadline is stressful. Watching your child play too close to the street is stressful. Losing your purse is stressful. But after your heart rate peaks and your armpits release a little moisture, the problem passes and you can breathe again. You go back to normal.

But what I’ve gone through I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. Prolonged stress, day in and day out, hourly gasping prayers of, “God, help!” and feeling as though life is a giant bowling ball slowly rolling over you, squashing you like a helpless ant … it’s nothing anyone would willingly sign up for. Except for me, apparently. I willingly positioned myself to endure two of life’s top stressors, not once, but twice in the span of ten months.

Round One: I uprooted my entire life, said goodbye to family and community, moved out of state, landed in a Podunk town, began a new job with a ton of responsibility at a massive, worldwide ministry, and sought to establish a new life for myself … all by myself. I gave it my all but sensed deep in my soul that this new life wasn’t right. Even though I believed God had led me there. So, on top of a spiritual crisis, feeling like a fish out of water, and trying to prove my competency at my day job, add to the mix an intense job search and gut-wrenching prayers that the Lord would allow me to return where I came from. I longed for home. My places. My people.

One grueling day after the next, things began to unfold. A chance meeting with someone who, unbeknownst to me, was the vice president of a growing company led to an interview and a job offer back home. I put in my two-week’s notice, packed up my entire house (again), broke my lease, and called up the same moving company that had relocated me eight months prior. Prayers answered, I was headed home!

Thus came Round Two: another move and another new job. Life’s top stressors … again. This time they were coupled with the financial obligation of paying rent on my vacated townhouse until new tenants were found. But I knew the costs of my decision. What I didn’t anticipate was the “re-entry” culture shock that waited for me.

I had my old life back, but nothing was the same, including me. I had a new apartment, in a new part of town, and a new job that had nothing to do with ministry (where I’d enjoyed more than a decade of service). This time I found myself in the heart of corporate America, working with a bunch of crazy early morning people (and I mean early morning, as well as crazy) who are motivated by money. And I’m writing copy about subjects I know nothing about.

Does any of it make sense? No. I’m not sure it ever will. For now, I’m deeply indebted to prayer and anti-anxiety medication. Pair those two, and even the most nervous of Nellies, the most adamantly opposed-to-change, comfort-zone bound, “can’t life just be boring?” folks like myself can make it through turbulence upon more turbulence. Apparently … although my eye would beg to differ.

So, until the twitching ceases, I will count my blessings and cling to Jesus. What else can a girl do?

“Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” Hebrews 12: 1-2

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:15

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